The Optimist Club

The boss came into my office awhile back
Told me to clean out my desk – said things just weren’t working out
But, that’s okay, ‘cause I got my stapler…and several boxes of Bic pens

See, I’m a card carrying member of the Optimist Club
I may not have a paycheck, but I’ve got the Love
They say I’m losing touch with reality
But, things are looking up as far as I can see
Oh, yeah

My hubby came home and announced that he didn’t Love me anymore
Said he’d fallen for a girl named Pam…Pam, Pam, Pam!
I’m better off, though…I even sent him off with some Bic pens
To show how much I care

‘Cause I’m a card carrying member of the Optimist Club
I may not have a man but there’s a roof up above
My pride remains intact, I’ve got security
And, things are looking up as far as I can see
Oh, yeah

Well, Pam wants the house.
That’s okay, though, ‘cause I can’t afford the payments, anyway.
See, I’m not real good with money. But, I AM good with matches
Hey, Pam, I hope you like your house WELL DONE!

Oh, I can see you’re concerned. Don’t be, I’m fine!
See, I took out all the really important stuff
Before the house went up in pretty yellow flames.
You know, things like pictures, my stapler and, of course, I got the gun…

Well, I’m a card carrying member of the Optimist Club
I may not have a home, but welfare pays for my grub
I’m sleeping near the overpass with dignity
And, things are looking up as far as I can see
Oh, yeah

I took my welfare card to the grocery store.
The lady said it wasn’t valid, anymore.
She looked like Pam.
So, naturally, I took out my gun and started shooting.
You’d think these people had never seen a gun!
Such a commotion.
Red lights…police cars…But, that’s okay, ya know why?

‘Cause I’m a card carrying member of the Optimist Club
I may not have a lot, but here they come with my drugs
The padded room they put me in is so comfy
And, things are looking up as far as I can see
Oh, yeah

You know, my new nurse is so pretty….she reminds me of....
Pam….